Kodi mungatani ngati inuyo ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu simukugwirizana pa nkhani inayake? Zikatere pamakhala zinthu zitatu zimene mungachite:

1. Mukhoza kukakamirabe pa mfundo yanu mpaka mnzanuyo achite zimene mukufunazo.

2. Mukhoza kungovomera kuchita zimene mnzanuyo akufuna.

3. Aliyense angafunike kukhala wololera n’kusintha maganizo ake kuti mugwirizane mfundo imodzi.

Koma mwina mungaganize kuti, ‘Zimenezi si zabwino chifukwa zingapangitse kuti muchite zinthu zosakomera aliyense.’

Koma dziwani kuti kulolerana sikupangitsa kuti muchite zinthu zosakomera aliyense. Tiyeni tikambirane zinthu zingapo zimene muyenera kudziwa zokhudza khalidweli komanso zimene tiyenera kuchita kuti tizisonyeza khalidwe limeneli.

Aliyense azilolera zofuna za mnzake. Musanalowe m’banja, muyenera kuti munazolowera kusankha zochita panokha. Koma panopa muyenera kudziwa kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndi wofunika kwambiri kuposa zofuna zanu. M’malo moona kuti mnzanuyo amakupherani ufulu, ganizirani za ubwino wokhala pa banja. Mayi wina dzina lake Alexandra ananena kuti: “Anthu awiri mukakambirana za vuto linalake, mumapeza njira yabwino yolithetsera, kusiyana ndi imene munthu mmodzi akanapeza.”

Muzimva maganizo a mnzanuyo. Mlangizi wina pa nkhani za m’banja, dzina lake John M. Gottman analemba m’buku lake lina kuti: “Mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akamakufotokozerani vuto linalake, sikuti mumafunika kuvomereza chilichonse chimene wanena. Koma mumafunika kumvetsera ndi kuganizira zimene akunenazo kuti mumvetse mmene akuionera nkhaniyo. Zimenezi zingathandize kuti mupeze njira yabwino yothetsera vutolo m’malo mongokakamira maganizo anu.”—The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Musamangoganizira zofuna zanu zokha. Palibe mwamuna kapena mkazi amene angasangalale ngati mnzakeyo amafuna kuti nthawi zonse banjalo lizingoyendera maganizo ake. Zimakhala bwino ngati aliyense amaganizira zofuna za mnzake. Mayi wina dzina lake June anati: “Nthawi zina ndimalolera kuchita zinthu zina pofuna kusangalatsa mwamuna wanga. Nayenso nthawi zina amalolera kuchita zina kuti andisangalatse. Banjatu limafuna zimenezi osati nthawi zonse kumangofuna kuti mnzakoyo azichita zofuna zako.”

Muzilankhula modekha komanso mwaulemu. Nthawi zambiri mukayamba kulankhula modekha komanso mwaulemu nkhaniyo imatha bwino. Koma mukayamba ndi mawu aukali kapena amwano, zingangochititsa kuti mukangane. Choncho muzitsatira malangizo a m’Baibulo akuti: “Valani chifundo chachikulu, kukoma mtima, kudzichepetsa, kufatsa ndi kuleza mtima.” (Akolose 3:12) Makhalidwe amenewa angakuthandizeni kuti musamakangane ndi mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu. Angathandizenso kuti musamavutike kupeza njira yabwino yothetsera mavuto.—Lemba lothandiza: Akolose 4:6.

Muzipeza mfundo zomwe mukugwirizana. Ngati pokambirana nkhani inayake mwaona kuti mwayamba kukangana, n’kutheka kuti vuto ndi loti mukuganizira kwambiri za zimene simugwirizana. Choncho yesetsani kupeza mfundo zomwe mukugwirizana. Tayesani kuchita izi:

Aliyense apeze pepala ndipo adule mzere pakati pa pepalalo. Ndiyeno kumanzere kwake lembani mfundo zimene mukuona kuti simukugwirizana nazo ngakhale pang’ono. Kumanja, lembani mfundo zimene simukugwirizana nazo kwenikweni, komabe mukuona kuti mukhoza kulolera zofuna za mnzanuyo. Kenako kambiranani zomwe mwalembazo. Mungadabwe kuona kuti pali mfundo zambiri zimene mukugwirizana. Kudziwa zimenezi kungakuthandizeni kuti musavutike kulolera maganizo a mnzanuyo. Ngakhale patakhala mfundo zina zomwe simukugwirizana, zingakhale zosavuta kuona nkhaniyo bwinobwino chifukwa choti mwalemba mfundozo.

Muzikambirana kuti mupeze njira yabwino yothetsera vutolo. Nkhani zina zimakhala zosavuta kuzithetsa. Koma zina zimakhala zovuta ndipo zikatere muyenera kukambirana. Kuchita zimenezi kungathandize kuti mupeze njira yabwino yothetsera nkhaniyo, kusiyana ndi imene munthu mmodzi akanapeza. Kungathandizenso kuti muzikondana kwambiri.—Lemba lothandiza: Mlaliki 4:9.

Muzikhala wokonzeka kusintha maganizo. Baibulo limati: “Aliyense wa inu akonde mkazi wake ngati mmene amadzikondera yekha, komanso mkazi azilemekeza kwambiri mwamuna wake.” (Aefeso 5:33) Anthu okwatirana akamakondana komanso kulemekezana, zimakhala zosavuta kuti aliyense azilolera maganizo a mnzake. Mwamuna wina, dzina lake Cameron, anati: “Pali zinthu zina zomwe poyamba suona kufunika kwake koma umangozichita chifukwa choti mkazi kapena mwamuna wako anakuuza kuti uchite. Koma kenako umaona kuti ndi zabwino, ndipo umayamba kuzikonda.”—Lemba lothandiza: Genesis 2:18.